Saturday, September 16, 2006

The Day I Talk About Anger & Forgiveness

I realised that all this time, what has been affecting me was my anger and my inability to forgive. Sure, I say that I’ve forgotten about what’s happened and that I’ve laid the past to rest (and all the other stuff), but that’s crap.

But honestly, I haven’t.

I was angry. I kept telling myself that “I’m entitled to feeling this way”, and that it’d make me seem stronger, to protect myself. But being angry is tiring and emotionally draining. Without knowing it, I’ve let my resentment and my sadness evolve into this uncontrollable creature. But that’s in the past now. Today, I’ve decided to out an end to this and to move on with my life.

Anger is a selfish act of defense. By putting on a barbed front, we assume that we’ll be safe from emotional harm. In reality, it’s a double-edged sword; we hurt others and we get hurt as well. As a matter of fact, the amount of pain we inflict upon ourselves far surpasses the amount of pain we bring to others. Is it really worth it when it come to that?

The Lord teaches us to forgive, and after the homily at the Novena today, it really hit me that I haven’t been doing that. Bearing grudges is unhealthy. So I told myself, “Just let it go.” I’ve learnt that pain can only ebb away when you let time do it’s job. And having a grudge, or holding on to a negative emotion, is just going to make keep scars wide open.

I have had people tell me to “forgive and forget”, but I believe that there’s no such thing as forgiving and forgetting; I can forgive, but I cannot forget. Some things just can’t be forgotten, you know. You need to always keep it in mind so that you don’t make the same mistakes again.

So I’ve forgiven. And I’m moving on.

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