The below post will be expletive-ridden and explicit.
Reader discretion is strongly advised.
Something hit home while I was on my way out from camp this morning: I have almost if not completely lost any ounce of self-censorship that I used to possess when it comes to anger management. By anger management of course I mean the process of translating internal rage into spoken words aka swear-words.
What made me notice this was this scenario:
My little cousin Xavier was sitting on my lap while Dad drove us out for breakfast. Then out of nowhere a silver Honda CRV cut into our lane without giving any signals. My very first instinct was to scream "CHAOCHEEBYEEE ANY-O-HOW CUT LANE YOUR FATHER'S ROAD IS IT?!?!?!" But of course I didn't do that. I couldn't, not in the presence of my parents, and certainly not in the presence of my 8-year-old cousin. But the very fact that my first thought was to shoot vulgarities at a guy who will not be able to hear any of it scared me.
It's a very serious problem. After enlisting, I have unknowingly and unwittingly transformed into an uncontrollable expletive-spewing punk.
Gone were the days of the Justin that had the manners to "translate" his swear words into PG-13 vocabulary.
Fuck = Fish
What the fuck? = What the toot?
Wah lau (Hokkien for "My Father") = Wah lieu
Cheebye (Hokkien for "Cunt") = wait, I didn't even use to say that.
You get the severity of the situation now?
Nowadays it's full on wa lau's, fuck you's, cheebye's, nah beh's and whatnot peppering my sentences. I'm subconsciously making swear words part of my vocabulary. The expletive usage in my day to day conversations in the Army has conditioned me to become less aware of the need to self-censor. It's a very dangerous thing, this whole swearing-in-your-face business that the Army runs on. And the after effects are very real.
I don't want to end up being a cuss-bucket ultimately. That's one thing that I don't need to bring out of my Army experience.
Ah fuck...
No comments:
Post a Comment