Wednesday, November 08, 2006

The Day I Talk About Break-Up Clichés

In my life, I've experienced getting dumped quite a number of times. Each time, it involves the other party trying to tell me that (1) they've found someone new or (2) they wanna go back to their ex-boyfriend or (3) that they just don't have "the feelings" for me.

Sounds like a soap opera? Well believe it or not, my life actually loves to play out clichés. So today, I shall share with you heart-breakers out there my Top 5 Break-Up Lines (I've never said them but I've received them).


[5] "It's not you, it's me."
In other words, you're trying to tell your (former)significant other that you don't love him/her anymore while trying to make it look like you've put the blame on yourself. It's a more tactful way of saying "I don't like you", but it doesn't make you less of a bitch.

[4] Don't say anything. Just "mysteriously" disappear.
Avoid the break-up completely and just disappear from the life of your (former)significant other. Become literally un-contactable. The initial phase may be tough because your significant other may seek you out from your friends and family while you're in hiding. The most irresponsible of break-up tactics, doing this would make you a MAJOR-BITCH.

[3] "I need to give my ex a chance."
What you're trying to say is: "I don't love you enough to let my ex be an ex." Meaning that you shouldn't have let the poor guy/girl on in the first place. This is also irresponsible and irreversible. Don't even think of trying to rekindle a friendship with your (former)significant other, at least not for a long while. You'll definitely earn a spot in the MAJOR-FUCKING-BITCH column on the Christmas list (which means NO PRESENTS for you!).

[2] "You're not my type; I've tried to hint you about it before but you never caught my hints, so I had to drop the bomb!"
This is what a ruthless heart-breaker would say. Trust me, there are actually some bitches out there who would make people fall in love with them, and then say this to get rid of their (former)significant others. It's fast, it's painful, and it makes you an all-new enemy. This is usually said in desperation, and is only used when he/she has either fallen for someone new or is just plainly a cruel and insensitive asshole.

Either way, forgiveness is not in question. If you try to rekindle a friendship, you're most likely going to get burned. Then again, karma works in mysterious ways. Maybe you'd get run over by a car before you could even try. So, don't try.

[1] "I'm in love with (insert same-gender here)."
You're just saying that you've turned gay. Which is absolutely fine, except that you'll be totally crushing the heart of the guy/girl who loves you. Not your fault though; At least you've come to terms with your sexual orientation and you're not leading the poor guy/girl on anymore.


And those are my most memorable break-up lines for you. When you're desperate to dump your boyfriend or girlfriend, these may come in handy. Cheers!

For those who are wondering what the hell I'm doing blogging during my A's, the answer is simple: Blogging is de-stressing.

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